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Sorry, if you were looking for an in depth masterpiece on the slimy underbelly of the worlds most popular sport you will be disappointed.

This is just about ugly blokes….
It seems almost cruel that footballers are hero worshiped, rich AND good looking.

Don’t worry though, these are just rich and hero worshiped. Don’t feel sorry for them, this facially challenged lot probably all have beautiful wives even if their mothers had to be drunk to breastfeed them.

Iain Dowie

The permanently confused Dowie played most of his football in the 80s when faces were much less orange. This helped to disguise him among normal looking humans for while.

After the release of the hit film The Goonies things changed for Dowie, at football matches he would become knee deep in Baby Ruth bars and treasure maps, the cries of “hey you guys” became too much so he decided to embark on a career where nobody would ever see him, he became manager of Coventry City.

 

 

Wayne Rooney

Potato faced scouser Wayne Rooney has been called many things in his illustrious career, Man U legend, England’s all time top scorer, Shrek.

Rooney admitted a few years ago that he had to sneak up on his own mirror but that has not stopped the Everton ace taking care of his appearance over the years. Recently he has had his back hair moved up to his head to great effect.

It remains to be seen if Rooney can salvage anything of his relationship with Coleen after recently being caught with another woman and banned from driving.

The ape headed cretin should look in the mirror and thank his lucky stars for Coleen even if she is on holiday for 360 days a year.

Luke Chadwick

Often ridiculed for his dart board like complection its hard to imagine he played in the same side as Rooney and nobody puked.

Luke however matured and grew a beard to cover most of his face to the great relief of all of us.

Chadwick’s head seemed to morph into different shapes season after season and eventually became a shape that nobody had ever seen before.

To be fair to Chadwick he is not the ugliest on this list and was let down badly by his skin which seemed to attack itself, especially during a corner.

Matthew Le Tissier

Penis nosed Le Tissier was a footballing genius. Hailing from Guernsey (a strange place in between England and France) Le Tiss seemed to develop the skills of Michelle Platini and the face of Nobby Styles.

Famous for donking Marilyn from Home And Away, Le Tissier was a one club man staying at the coastal also rans Southampton forever. Rumour has it that if he ever left the salty shores of Southampton his nose would shrivel up and drop off.


His nickname, “Le God” was well earned, he remains one of our favourite ever players and least favourite faces.

Peter Beardsley

With a face that could make an onion cry Beardo is the last on our list of Quasimodo looking football legends.

A terrifying player in more ways than one, Beardsley made up for his lack of sex appeal by playing sexy football.

Having a face that even his dog wouldn’t lick didn’t stop him starring for Liverpool, Newcastle, Everton and England.

Beardsley along with Le Tissier is one of our favourite players, we don’t care what they look like and luckily for them neither do their wives.